Find your magic and don’t stop following it.
Find your magic and don’t stop following it.
It’s hard to know when a friendship is no longer beneficial to our lives and instead hurting us, because it’s easy to make excuses for people and forget or undermine our own feelings.
Sometimes we justify friendships because people have been in our lives for as long as we can remember, but this is not a good reason to keep a friendship alive that’s hurting you. If your friend is making you feel bad about yourself, pressuring you to spend an exorbitant amount of time with them, or making you feel like you have to do something that makes you uneasy, you can rest assured the relationship has switched from mutually beneficial to toxic.
For reference, good friends build you up, are a source of joy, love, and encouragement, and are people you look forward to interacting with.
You can pretty much guarantee that friendships are over when you notice any of these signs:
°You are constantly helping your friend out of one mess or another, be I to financial, emotional, or otherwise.
°Your friend depends on you to do almost everything. If he /she wants to go out, it is almost expected that you be there. It’s almost as if you should have no life of your own because you coexist as one entity. If you ever feel like your personal identity is being robbed of you, speak up, and if that doesn’t work, run.
°You are constantly second guessing yourself, walking on eggshells, or feel pressured to do something. Whether your friend’s negative influence be putting you down or encouraging you to engage in substance abuse, it’s time to call it quits if you’re feeling like things are out of your control.
I learned to let go of toxic friends the hard way. Many times I found myself bending way too much to please others and yielding way too many of my own views and values. Sometimes it seemed like it was too late to get away from a toxic influence. It never is though, make the decision and simply end communication gradually.
It’s best not to go cold turkey but to give the person some sort of warning. Otherwise, the person may lash out at you and lack any understanding of your motives for ending the relationship. Just like any other breakup, the person deserves at least the decency of knowing what went wrong. Try to address the issues but don’t go into any arguments or bitterness so as to not reopen any old feuds.
I wish you the best possible vibes with your friendship breakups. It’s not easy, but it must be done.
Have you ever struggled with letting go of people in your life? Feel free to comment below.
Love and light!
I recently discovered a quote that embodies how I feel about life at the moment: “Life is about using every crayon in the box.”, which Ru Paul said very astutely.
I also recently came across a concept that completely changed and challenged my perspective about my abilities, interests, and dreams, and which has been infinitely valuable to my current goals. That concept is multipotentiality, which is a psychological and educational term referring to the potential of some individuals to be interested and follow multiple pursuits. (click this wiki article for more info.)
A multipotentialite is. “.. someone with many interests and creative pursuits.” – puttylike.com. Emilie Wapnick
Ted speaker and multipotentialite Emilie Wapnick studied music, art, film production and law, graduating from the Law Faculty at McGill University, and runs the very eye opening, informative, funny, and amazing website, puttylike.com. She also wrote a book,
I must use my amazon gift cards for.Amazon.com
If you have an inkling you may be one of us, or even if you’re not, check her website out as a start! There are tons of articles about finding reason to your madness and to your passions.
So if multipotentialite people are those who have multiple interests and pursuits, that’s wonderful, and it’s nice to have a name for it, but where do we go from there? The Albert Einstein model brings up a novel and reaffirming way of discerning this. Did you ever hear about Einstein’s day job? I didn’t think so, because neither had I. If you have, you must be an Einstein biographer.
It just so happens that in order to place his myriad genius ideas into action, Einsten had to work a day job approving patents for the Federal Office for Intellectual Property. If it weren’t for the time and income this day job allowed him, he may have never garnered the energy and resources necessary to develop the revolutionary discoveries he’s gifted to the world. Having a day job while pursuing your true passion then, shouldn’t be shamed but applauded. Other methods multipotentialites follow in regards to surviving while etching out a means to delve into their passions are the Phoenix approach and the Group Hug approach, which Wapnick details here. These two methods respectively involve melding your passions together as sort of a Renaissance man or woman, and pursuing your various passions in succession, individually. Jim Henson is a great example of The Group Hug approach in my opinion, and one of my heroes. I know several phoenixes and I’m sure so do you. Whatever method works for you may be one of these, a mixture, or something wholly unique. At the moment I’m following Einstein’s approach, entirely by accident.
I discovered a deep love of art, music, and writing through being an only child.
Since I didn’t have many options in regards to people to talk to at times, I crafted my own stories and my own world at times.
I got lost in albums, CDs played until I knew every word, and my notebooks full of writing and drawings. My favorite musicians and the characters in my writing were my friends when no one else was around.
I loved writing and illustrating my own stories since second grade and began creating characters in third grade.
When asked what I wanted to do as a child, I would either say “artist”, “ballerina” or “fashion designer.”
You may ask yourself why I would even have a clue about being a multipotentialite, and that is a valid question. Since childhood and into adulthood I’ve dabbled in writing, drawing/illustration, dancing, music/singing /song writing, teaching, translation, blogging, and editing.
I took a short break to do as I was told in college and tried to specialize in one pursuit, but it didn’t really work out for me. I may or may not have a job because of my degree; I’m still not entirely sure.
I wouldn’t really call my pursuits dabbling though, because I’ve seriously considered each of them, and pursued them all with equal care and attention, as if they were all my children. My dear grandmother on my mother’s side had eight children, and I completely understand how she felt when she told them she loved each of them equally.
As many of you may or may not remember, in addition to blogging, I have other creative pursuits at the moment only because I can’t sit still and have too many ideas for my own good, or so I thought. I still love to draw, write, and sing, and these pursuits seem to be ingrained in me. I began to sing in a musical duo during my last year in college. By the time I had a Bachelor’s Degree, I also had a gig almost every weekend, knew what a harmony was but had no idea how to read music, and intended to record an album, and I have.
I played the Special Olympics, The Whiskey, The Viper Room, Molly Malone’s, American Cancer Society Relay for Life, OC Fair, and a ton of other events and venues as my outbox will proudly tell you.
I began blogging my third year of college after my fashion obsession was becoming something I needed to share with others and my creative writing teacher gave me the feeling that I shouldn’t stick to specializing in one pursuit. I’m so glad I took that class on a whim. Naturally, I created posters for my duo and fashion illustrations for my blog. I have participated in art shows for a local charity, which donates its proceeds to sustaining arts programs in schools and have sold a few illustrations.
Regardless of all of these amazing experiences though, I hadn’t found a stable job I liked even mildly until recently. It goes without saying that being an artist is anything but an easy path. I’m sure many creative people have wondered what it’s like to not need to create. It’s a strange thing to need with all your being to express things that can’t be said in plain words. It can be painful to go against the beaten path and to draft the blueprint to your life out of nothing but sweat, passion, and a pat on the back or a seemingly sincere “I love your music” or “Your writing is amazing” as form of payment. Still though, life would be even more painful without art and creation.
It’s almost impossible to pursue a creative talent and career while also making a living in the beginning stages. Sometimes you may feel isolated or overwhelmed with everyone’s expectations including your own. Certainly being an artist is not as emotionally draining as being a doctor or a lawyer, I have thought, though maybe it it is.
It’s stomach wrenching to never have a solid answer to the inevitable questions, “So what do you do?” or “How’s work going?” at lunch dates and Thanksgiving dinners. That’s okay though. I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that maybe I don’t need a solid answer, and that I’ll find my way among my Multipotentialite super powers.
Sometimes I may make no sense to my friends, or I may get bored midway through a blog post. For instance, it’s taken me three fused and failed attempts to write this post. I’ve been trying to do and write a tutorial and review on a cut crease look and new product as well, all weekend. I’ll have to forgive myself though. It’s the new me, and I’m wearing her with style. I must ask you, what is are your super power(s)? If you think you’re a multipotentialite and this post resonated with you, please email me! I’d love to interview people like us as a series.
Thanks for reading and I love you all!
Everything and every birthday until you’re 21 is a waiting game. Everything after is a game against time. That’s not to say you can’t do anything at any age its just natural to worry about time itself… It’s that time again! My birthday happened Friday and so far I have laughed, cried, and eaten an exorbitant amount of brownies and ice cream and I loved it all.
This year I’ve grown not only older but more in tune with myself and with other people, at least I hope so, and I certainly feel more satisfied with what’s gone down this year than I did last year.
AIt was also my last day at my most current job and it was one the most bittersweet days I’ve ever lived. I had to say goodbye to people who taught me so much and leave a positive thing to jump to an even better one, and yet my life is nothing like I envisioned it as a kid.
I mean out all fairness to my inner child, being a full time artist, fashion designer, and ballerina would be pretty awesome though. I helped international students / teenagers at my last job who are learning English and I saw myself in each of them. They taught me a lot about my inner patience and strength and I hope I taught them to not be afraid to go after difficult things like learning English.
They wrote me so many notes of encouragement and thanks and being the softy that I am I cried a lot and had a tough time with the whole thing. Sometimes leaving makes you realize how appreciated you really are though.
This year I’ve witnessed the humanity, the “good” side, of people and it never ceases to amaze me, because you can find it almost anywhere. We all just want to live and be loved, some of us want to leave our mark on the world, some are content just to live.
Most of us are trying to get through the same kind of dilemmas though. “How am I going to get through this day, pay my rent, find my path? Should I buy groceries or a new purse? we think, collectively.
I’ve seen people my age live through a Snapchat filter and a haze of shots, but I love them anyway because I’ve been there. I’ve grown apart from friends who moved away to work in labs and be teachers. Some have husbands, kids, and mortgages.
The ebbing flow of friendships is something I’ve barely come to terms with. Some friends like me, are barely scaling out of the hole that is credit card debt and student loans. Your twenties are anything but boring and I think a lot of us forget how much we’ve really done by the time by the time another birthday rolls around.
Without fail, our birthdays after 21 always make us think…
1. Was I supposed to do more by now?
No. You are where you are because of the choices you’ve made but that’s not a bad thing. You can’t time travel back to your college days and slap your lazy self into doing what you should’ve been. You can’t keep yourself from doing things you had no business doing. All you have is the opportunity to use your mistakes to your advantage and learn from them.
2. Should I tell people or keep it to myself?
Do what makes you happy. If it comes up great and you feel like doing something with your friends that’s fine. That doesnt make you needy or narcissistic. If people don’t remember don’t take it as a personal assault on your personhood period. Unless it’s your significant other don’t bring it up. With smartphones, a million planning tools, and social media in our arsenals, there’s basically no excuse for this. Everyone wants to feel special. If you’re single, that’s no reason not to o have fun. Make it happen and don’t feel bad about it.
3. Have I learned and growun into a better version of myself compared to last year?
You’re only a year older not a decade. Don’t be so hard on yourself for not winning a Nobel Peace Prize by now. If you’re anything like me this is an incredibly difficult task but a necessary one. Don’t focus on your failures, emphasize the importance of your accomplishments and decide to improve areas you think you need growth. Write things down specifically and purposefully. Journals work.
4. Am I acting my age?
As long as you don’t live in booty shorts and on Tindr and honestly even if you do, who cares if you’re happy? Though no one is sin free, people are more interested in throwing stones than taking an honest look in the mirror because it’s easier. In terms of being judgy, not much has changed since Jesus’ time.
5. Should I broadcast every hour of my birthday? Any of it?
Social media is great for augmenting your negative feelings regarding yourself and that includes any lurking birthday related guilt. If you’re not feeling like divulging the fact that you sat on your couch and fell asleep to a Netflix binge on your birthday or where and when you went out with your friends, don’t.
If you want to broadcast a play by play, go ahead, just maybe don’t bore people with irrelevant details. Overall remember you’re not obligated to do anything or please anyone. It’s the anniversary of YOU, being born after all so celebrate and post whatever you see fit.
The easy thing to do would be to freak out because I’m 27. Would I really rather be 15, 18, or 21 though? Honestly… No. Fifteen was a blurred mess of trying to balance cystic acne and covering it, a desire to assert my originality, an unwillingness to fit in but wanting nothing more than just that, and trying to figure out how to say “I like you” to a boy, which I never did out of fear.
Eighteen was about my ever changing lofty goals after high school vs. my increasing interest in friends who experimented with drugs, alcohol, and just about anything except good grades. It took me a lot of heartache to get to twenty seven but it made my heart swell with love too. I learned so much and I wouldn’t trade it in to shave off a few years.
What do you feel about birthdays?
Happy birthday to all my Aquarius babies! Do you. We sure do it well.
This year I’m not going to make resolutions to do anything. I’m just going to do it. Here are five things I propose to do:
1. Put away money out of every paycheck, even if it’s a few dollars. I know I can’t realistically save $200 or $100 out if every paycheck. It’s just not in the cards for me at the moment, though it very well could be soon if I play my cards right. I know at the very least I can save something. That’s what I aim to do.
2. Dispose of clothes and makeup I don’t use or need. If someone else could use these things, great. I’ll donate them. If they’re unusable I have no problem with throwing them away though I definitely used to. I already do these things periodically, I just know an overhaul is due.
3. Do things that make me happy more and things that aren’t good for me less. Of course I already do some things I love, but it’s easy to neglect oneself and get caught up in doing more things you hate or just plain have to do. I think life is too short to waste it on a dead end job or dead end toxic people. Live your fullest life, and don’t feel bad for taking some personal time to yourself or pursuing something no one else believes in. I’m worth investing time in and so are you. Cheesy yes, but true.
4. Pour love into the little things
I think some weird thing happens after you turn 21 that makes you realize almost everything your Mom said was true. It makes you a little mad that she was right about that happening too, but it also liberates you. Time spent laboring over trivial petty issues or fighting in general is most likely time wasted.
There is a solution to almost every problem and I’m going to try to remember to pour more love into every relationship and friendship. If a strong bond exists it’ll be more difficult to lose respect for people you love and have damaging blowout fights. Who needs them? It’s more fun to have coffee or write a love letter for no reason. Be nicer to the people you love. Those are moments that matter.
5. Take care of my skin.
This is kind of random but skin care is so important and so many people including myself neglect it at times. Another weird thing happens after 21 when you suddenly start worrying about these things. Luckily thanks to YouTube and the internet it’s easier than ever to find the perfect skincare routine and how to apply it to your daily life.
Love you all and wish you a very wonderful new year’s!
I’m wishing you all & myself a week full of new beginnings and wonderful things this spring. I feel like I need a fresh start. This app I’m trying out, Paint Joy is actually pretty fun and easy to work with. ( This is not a sponsored post!) I just like it. I’ve tried a lot of similar apps, believe me, but I won’t quit until I find the ideal one for drawing on the go. I’m in love with that idea. I’m also in love with wispy feminine dresses right now. What are you loving at the moment?
Maggie in the Moon
Obviously, I love fashion. That goes without saying. Recently though, I’ve been pondering, what is it about buying clothes and fashion itself that I like? Is it the act of shopping itself? Yes, but it goes deeper than that. I think for most women who love fashion, style is a means to express oneself. Your body is your canvas and you can say whatever you want with it.
Clothes can heighten yoir your mood. Yes, shopping can be therapy. To me, scrolling through eBay and spring lookbooks is honestly relaxing and I can say 100℅ therapeutic after a long day. Nonetheless, recently I’ve had to ask myself, “Am I relying on shopping for a stress reliever instead of really dealing with my problems?” Recently, the answer is yes. As a result, I’m currently on a #nobuychallenge. I’ve seriously done some damage while seriously upping my spring/summer & work wardrobe game.
Yes, I needed a small upgrade, but I think letting yourself get into the habit of overspending as a quick pick me up is dangerous. Maybe these are first world problems, but in a world where stress levels are so high that we find ourselves shopping ourselves out of them, I think there’s a need to readjust. I don’t know about you, but I thought I was a smart shopper for a good while. It turns out, I was just fooling myself.
I checked my bank account, and this past month I spent a third on clothes and a whole lot on food for lunch at work. I need to start packing a lunch.
It’s fine if you’re an heiress or some impossibly chic and successful woman who made her own way…I don’t know about you but I’m working on so many goals right now, I can’t afford to waste precious time or hard earned dollars on anything other than essentials. Going back to the pros of being addicted to clothing, they can empower you & make you feel like a whole new woman. Once in a while, they can even turn you into a boss lady.
Yes, I’m going to keep shopping…with limits.
What do you lovely readers think?
Finding yourself can be like finding the right shoes; oftentimes long-winded and at least a little painful. It can take years.
It’s always worth it though. There’s nothing like stepping into the right pair of shoes or knowing who you are and what you want. In light of yesterday’s holiday, dedicated to womankind, this post is dedicated to why and how you should pursue whatever you want.
It took me years to realize it’s okay and cute to wear comfortable shoes. Don’t get me wrong, I love my towering sexy heels as much as the next fashion-junkie girl. I love my Vikky Soft Pumas maybe just as much though.
I spent my high school years thinking I had to wear flats or Converse or inexplicably painful sandals almost every day and have the blister scars to prove it. On the other days I’d wear Keds or Vans. Thank God, otherwise the bone on my foot which protrudes would probably be worse off.
I feel like we as women put ourselves through the hoops to be some better version of ourselves and will stop at nothing. In high school we need to fit into a specific category and be zitless and never boyfriendless. At least that’s how I felt. In college we drink ourselves into oblivion and forge friendships based on shared goals of pushing the boundaries of whatever we couldn’t do in high school. At least, that’s what I did, in addition to really liking college and my classes. (Honestly). After that, we still try to emulate Instagram makeup and hold ourselves to some degree of presentability if we want to retain any hope of making a living and being a contributing member of society.
At every stage in our lives as women we must find our way amongst categories and expectations, career-wise, socially, and yes, even within the realm of fashion. As a teenager, I looked ridiculous some days, and others I could pass for a model in some cool zine. I don’t regret looking ridiculous though. I was finding my voice, my identity, and my fashion sense.
I have realized that I need creativity and freedom in my life and I also need comfortable sneakers. To paraphrase Eva Longoria, in college I didn’t know what I want to do for the rest of my life, but I knew what kind of woman I wanted to be. This interesting article/interview is about why Eva decided to get a degree in Chicana/o Studies at CSUN while doing Desperate Housewives. Loved it. That’s my alma mater.
I feel as though fashion gives us the liberty to be whoever we want. Especially during spring, anything goes. One day you can be a futuristic moon dweller, another an austere modern lady in a monochrome utilitarian outfit, and the next an ethereal bohemian princess. I love that. It lets us find play around with who we want to be until we want, and one day we discover who that person was all along. So never stop playing dress up girls. It’s more important than the world thinks. 😉
Love you all,
An article in Psychology Today entitled, “The 20s: Our Hardest Years” states “No one beyond their youth wants to be in their twenties again. ‘Ill take the body, but I wouldn’t want the life,’ a 66 year old woman assured me. These are the most difficult years of all. We have to figure out who to love, how to love, and what we should do with our lives. Most of us end up living through several answers to the question, ‘Who am I?'”
The article goes on to show that behind the glamour and attraction to youth that has been drilled into our psyches, the reality is, it’s basically difficult to figure it all out in your 20s, and moreover, you’re not alone in your doubts. I highly recommend it.
The following is based mostly on opinion, but I have also gathered research from observing my friends’ trials and tribulations. The consensus I reached was, women around the age of 25, my age, worry a lot, especially regarding the 5 following themes.
1. Not Knowing Where Your Life Is Going/ Feeling Like You Don’t Know What Your Purpose Is
Don’t get me wrong, this is a valid concern, one I have wondered/stressed about this on probably a weekly basis (a monthly basis if I’m having a particularly positive month); nonetheless, your 20s-mid 20s are the time you’re supposed to make finding your purpose a priority. It’s okay. It’s okay to not completely know yet. It’s okay if to you’re like me and changed your major 3 times and have a million interests and concerns. It’s the feeling of not knowing where things are going that’s the hardest part sometimes.
My 20s have made me feel like Charlie Brown is my spirit animal.
Whatever you enjoy and find pleasure in doing is a valid pursuit, whether that’s wanting to cure cancer, learning to fly a Cessna, writing a novel, acting, creating the next big app, or designing women’s jeans…whatever! It’s up to you, and only you know what’s right for you.
Yes, time is of the essence, but so is finding the right path. Almost nothing could be worse than going down the wrong one and finding yourself stuck, except maybe finding yourself stuck with the wrong partner, which brings me to my second point…
2. Not Having the Perfect Boyfriend or Finding Anyone Husband/Life Partner Worthy and Therefore Tearing Yourself Down for Not Having Done So Yet
Look, it’s human nature to want connection; real, emotional, all-encompassing, deep connection. No, I’m not talking about who you go home with to Netflix and chill, I’m talking about someone you can really chill with, forever. That word either freaks us millennials out, reminds us of the single girl fantasy a la Sex and the City and how well we’re carrying it out, or makes us think of what kind of wifey material we’d make. It’s okay, we’ve all thought about it. It doesn’t make you any less of a feminist. It’s part of the human condition to ask the question, “Could I spend forever with someone?”
There’s also something innately female about wondering when you’ll be receiving your next text from your love, and spending all your time obsessing over the relationship. Remember this, you are who you are with or without the relationship.
If you’re with someone, you may try to weigh your self worth against how well you’re doing as a couple. Don’t! This will only carry you to an all time emotional low when you inevitably get into rocky periods. If you’re still searching for the one you may think “Am I not good enough to be girlfriend material?” You are, you just haven’t found someone you really mesh with. It could take a while, but wouldn’t you rather wait than spend interminable hours arguing with the wrong person and wasting maybe years you could have been blissfully single working on your own well being? The answer is yes, by the way.
3. The Baby Question
For some reason all women secretly wish they could leave a little piece of themselves here. Yes, even your most staunchly independent friend who believes men don’t define her. Same goes for everything else on this list. Call it biology, but we all wonder whether or not we should be or will ever be mothers. If you had horrible, scarring, traumatizing cystic acne like me as a teenager, you may have already concluded no. I concluded this for a while. Now I’m keeping the book open.
For one thing, I believe there are already too many babies in this world whom are unwanted, mistreated, and underloved. Yes I made that word up maybe. A baby deserves to be overloved due to the mere fact that it is a baby and to ensure ot grows up to be the best human possible. Also, there are so many adoptable babies out there, I wonder about them and think, maybe that’s a good option.
It’s ultimately up to you, but remember all those babies without mothers and forget your biological clock for a while. The world doesn’t need a baby from you at this very moment, and if you do want one, wait until you find the right person before you go ruining someone’s life (yours too). See my previous point. There are many babies that emerge triumphantly from a divorce and/or failed relationship, myself included for the most part. Just think about it first.
4. How Do I Stack Up Against…You Name It
We all do it. Comparing yourself in terms of contouring, career, relationship status, etc. vs. your best friend, your colleagues, your siblings, whoever. You are not your social media image, so don’t continue to bring yourself down over how well other people are doing. Makeup gurus may be better contoured than you but you have other strengths. Highlight your strengths like you do your cheekbones, and possibly nose and cupid’s bow too.
5. What Your Parents Think.
Some parents manage to simultaneously encourage and push their children to greater successes, providing constructive criticism along the way. Others though, manage to undermine their children’s successes by making them feel that whatever they do is never enough.
Before you lessen the battles you’ve braved and what you’ve learned as an adult, stop the negative backtalk. Realize that the fact that your parents will continue to constantly ask you about when you’ll get a better job, how solid your relationship is, your marriage plans, and when you’ll have babies does not make you inadequate. The fact that you are holding down the fort as an adult makes you more than adequate. Yes, your parents love you and most likely want the best for you, but if at any time you feel like you’re being torn down for not doing enough, when all you’re doing is trying your best, than stop and remember, they’re only human. As humans, they are flawed, so listen and absorb their wisdom, but take everything with a grain if salt.
I don’t claim to know all the answers, but if I helped you even a little, and made you feel like you’re not alone, it makes me feel happy for sharing my insights.
Thank you for reading!